1. |
FCBK Station ID
00:20
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2. |
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I don't even care, so I got a F*ckin' candy in my mouth for this song.
I frac’d a lot less people that I’ll ever admit
To you and God I’m untainted.
My name is EMM SEE DAVID, got no previous rap sheet
This Nerdcore’s the word on the street, Yo!
I got a "happy ending" that I’m gonna proposition
To all members of human creation,
It’s a quick solution, to all of our vexations
“The Honesty Song”, it’s my own libation.
FINGERS IN YOUR EARS,
I CAN HEAR YOU THINK
This is "The Honesty Song"
Most men are short tempered, arrogant jerks
They can't admit when they're wrong...
or can say the w___......
They can't speak either. I need some water.
No, no water for you, just candy.
I'm not even going to edit that out, 'coz this is the... Honesty Song.
(Is that what it's called?) YEA!
Most men are short tempered, arrogant and strong
But can’t admit when they’ve done something wrong
Most are also fairly mediocre swain
On the perception of the throne of a train
Peeing in a drainage grate, drunk in a concert lineup
One particular human female lost a few brain cells
We’re seemingly willful ignorant, wisdom tooth’d apes
Waiting our lives through to squeeze a few grapes.
Girls don’t want panacea
They want onomatopoeia,
If a mate wants more than just to frac her
Then sit that stallion down and let that queef air
This is “The Honesty Song”.
CHORUS
Dude wears sunglasses when he’s indoors
So girls can’t stare at his boobs – Hu...
...man, she’s not actually looking at your ass
More concerned about the state of your genes (jeans?)
Yo, she really does care, though
How much money you make, bro'
Mostly she don’t wanna float ya’
Paranoid about our deflating life raft called healthcare,
or C.P.P. will last either
Sports are not an interest most nerds like to be front’n
Unless you’re Dr. Micheal O’Hea.
Hockey is like baseball, but without the Valium
So sorry in advance, this next one’s for me.
Nerd kids research dates and make superior mates
So what if they can’t swing a bat?
If you don’t believe me, the first home run’s free
Eyelash nerd hot dog tickets tonight
CHORUS
Money, kids, respect, and an autobiography
These are the motives that drive most.
If you don’t believe me, try reading some history
God help you if you’re south of the coast.
Satisfaction is indeed guaranteed or
Your legal tenders won’t be refunded.
We’re just a small club with one cent admissions
You’ll find we’re worth every penny.
There’s lots penny jokes on this digital CD
Cause the Bank of Canada took them back this year
Much like the US Gold Act in 1933
Combating deflationary cheer…
If you wanna unload your grace on her face
I suggest you do not use copper
It’s the new Gold Standard we’re hoping for next year
To frac the bank in the (r)ear
=====
I got too many lyrics to fit in this song
So, rather than make this one 20 minutes long
There’s gonna be some sequels
I’ll tease you some previews:
Office sex, banks, and poly-amorous technical flanks
Hopefully there’ll be some more music videos
Let’s lobby Jamie Star back for a day
I figure Saturday (Delson Sazaran)’s booked, so I’ll castle myself a rook
Checkin’ like Sebastien (Guy) Savard
I don’t care if you like it, just share me with your Facebook friends
It’s all about the e-Cred
So share me like a re-tread,
Or, some would say
“like an Arts and Cultural Manager toss.”
Occupy Edmonton was not lost.
We wouldn’t say no to unsolicited donations
Dave Laing sure could use some "dill"
For every 100 shares, I’ll smack him in the face
And shoot up more un-processed food.
This was "The Honesty Song"
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3. |
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I bet you wanna… do “The Duck”...
It’s a good duck...
You'll really like “The Duck”...
So do the frac’n “Duck”!
Marketing is kinda like frac’n your ex girlfriend
It’s really fun at first, but you feel guilty after.
Quote, Quorum, Queer bait, Quonset, and Queef
The marketing song, sure to get you on your feet.
Do the Duck. (QUACK QUACK QUACK)
Do the Duck (QUACK QUACK)
I said “DO THE DUCK!” (QUACK)
Please do the mother frac’n duck! (QUACK QUACK QUACK)
Exploit conflicts of interest for personal gain
Shelter liabilities that can never be contained
Marketing is under-rate biz, fo’ sho'
Never feel the same, you catch my flo’?
(What's going on man, your raps are so tight...
Blaze the path / Take me down)
Quote – Over-promise and under-deliver
Quorum – Too many people on the board
Queer Bait – Offend as many as possible
Quonset – Shotgun fly
Queef – Rinse and repeat.
Never be accountable for sleazy adverteasing
Spread lips, drink up,
All you cave men freezing
Digress, ingest, vomitus poo
Haven’t got a clue how to tie a shoe
Scapegoat murder, let’s everyone do "The Duck"
Do the “The Duck.” Do The Duck.
I said “DO THE DUCK!”
Do the mother frac’n duck
Southgate, plaid shirt,
Down on the couch
Beer, smoke, fast food
Tivo, no doubt
I’ll leave it open for your sloppy seconds
Grossing out your parents
For your interpretections
It gets kinda flakey
All around town
The people try'n to get down
People wanna get down wit' ch'a
But who knows the math?
Quote – (Promotion)
Always over promise and under deliver.
Jack of all trains winning every sliver
If you can get away with it, great,
If not, be more vague with the date.
Quorum – (Placement)
Have too many people on the board
Who derail meetings with pointless fords
Horizontal scaffolding to weather the storm
If you don’t own a cat, you’re gonna get some more.
1, 2, 3, 4. (MEOW) It's not a toy!
So do the duck. Do the Duck.
I said “DO THE DUCK!” (HISSSSSS)
DO the mother frac’n duck!
Queer bait (Price):
Leave your fly open a just little bit
Trolling the ashtrays for fags in the shit
If you’re in the EU, ask “might I bum one please?”
If you’re in Canada, then Queerbec intercedes.
So do the the duck. Do the Duck.
I said “DO THE DUCK!”
Do the mother frac’n duck!
Quonset – (Product):
Get a P.O. box so customers don’t
Show up in the night and smash all your windows
If you can’t sell an accountable brand
Put steel mesh over them instead.
Queef:
Douche to rinse and repeat.
CHORUS
Let's review:
Quote – Over-promise and under-deliver
Quorum – Too many people on the board
Queer Bait – Offend as many as possible
Quonset – Shotgun fly
Queef – Rinse and repeat
Do the the duck. Yea… the Duck
That’s the one, that’s the duck
Do the mother frac’n duck.
"Q" is my middle name!
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4. |
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Diesel fuel, synthetic penis oil
This song’s kinda messed up
Like a head-on truck wreck
So buckle up people,
Put your frac’n phone in the back
Drunk drivers and texters
You deserve a good smack
No more natural selection
The economy, it’s wack
Reward bad behaviour
With a new truck rack
There’s dick jokes coming up,
So stay tuned, intact.
Follow up spaceship dates
Usually book her duck
Retaliating crack smooths out
Stubborn toilet bluff
Military intelligence
Box set Christian snuff
All that makes more sense
Than a jacked up truck.
Frac Frac Frac, Frac the truck.
Diesel fuel - synthetic peanut oil
I don’t really know why
But I don’t give a hoot
About your truck, your TV
Or your imported suit.
No longer concerned
About these vain pursuits
Happiness compensation
As you aim and shoot.
Driving to Calgary
with a beer in your hand
Radar detecting windshield
Antlers on a stand
Life looks as empty as your veggie oil tank
Dead head back for a single boat plank
Frac Frac Frac, Frac the truck.
Frac the citizen band (CB) radio
With it’s no repeater
Our common sense is lacking
I’ll hot shot you a bleeder
A 45 foot sea can would be a little better
The problem is
I can’t find a willing receiver
Talking to a rock
Or a heavy metal grinder
Would be a barrel idea
Lock, stock, return to sender
Mailer daemon subsystem
404 error
It’s your willful ignorance
Brain dumping in a blender
Going 10 over the limit
On highway #28 is like
Being parked in the fast lane
#5 Interstate
That’s the one in L.A.
For those who don’t know
I moved a lot of food
From there to Toronto, Yo!
Apparently out west we don’t say “eh” we say “hey”
Like Nebraska and Kansas and Texas oil grey
If California had a fallout they’d have black snow
Then It would feel like Alberta does right now
No cash on the barrel
My job, bad credit
Need full insurance
For this mortgage too
I’m indebted
Not too good with calculators
Paying 10% over prime
Frac’n peoples’ girlfriends and
Smoking all the time.
Don’t get held back in Grade 5
No child left behind
From then till high school
No-one really minds
The diesel free anyway
The oil company’s dime
So move that pedal down, and
Get out of my time.
People in a panic
Downloaded T.V.
Leave in the commercials
They’re preying on me
Don’t listen to the lyrics
You just wanna shake your ass.
Diesel fuel, synthetic penis oil.
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5. |
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Got these lower-middle class Canadian
Cracker ass Metham-Edmonton blues
Living here in Alberta
The 51st state will see us through
If we lived down in America
Then you know this much would stay true
We’d have the loan sharkin’, curb stompin’,
Fraud mark hockin'
Metham-Edmonton blues
CHORUS
Metham-Edmonton Blues
Metham-Edmonton Blues
Got these lower middle class Canadian, cracker ass
Metham-Edmonton Blues
Don’t know where we're going
But I sure know where I am
Living in the shitty of scampions
With these metham-Edmonton blues
My dad went to a provincial office
To get his pension cheque
But it was all boarded up, they got kicked out
‘Cause they couldn’t afford their rent
Doctors were squatting outside
With their student loans default
Soon they’ll be moving down to the ‘states
To back their government
Went down to the starfucks
But they do-nut serve our type
So we’re throwing back dead hockey players
The double regular, cracker type
4 white horses in my lap
As we leave the old drive through
Got a can of pre-ground motivation
And a shit job to get to
They're fucking up our healthcare
Just enough to privatize
So all you PC politicians
Suck my cracker shtick
RV accommodations
But this "rock star" gig is spent
The neighbors are calling up bylaw
'Cause I told them to get bent
Now they want to get me off their road
My chimney smoking bright
A weight is taken on, as the
S.W.A.T. team locks and loads tonight
The acreage my daddy gave me
It’s a great place to park my blues
Freebasing wood-gas firewood, truckin’ in
The water, food and shoes
Short summer bugs I’m breathing
Make the winters cozy tight
Got some air conditionin’
With the windows open bright
Still have to pay my taxes
But at least it’s worth the trip
No landlord there behind me now
Cracking his cracker whip
Some folks don’t want the real life
They like their high heel shoes
Fashionable consumption
The rush hours of sunlight, (there’s two of them)
Superficial entertainment
Alcohol and sleeping pills
Anti-depressant medications cover up
Fluorescent oven thrills
Been, done, taken all those things
They weren’t enough to see us through
So here we stand here at the fringe wearing society’s cast off shoes
BRIDGE
Don’t know where I'm gonna find
My next old pair of shoes
Maybe down at the goodwill, or
The sally-ann, (salvation army) it’s true
But Quality built, 10 year old
Leather high top, steel toe boots
They won’t have been made over-seas
Unless they’re Blackspot union too
Frac you Value Village and your pretty boy standing shoes
As I’m sinking in the muskeg, sporting my cracker ass rubber boots
CHORUS
By the fire outside last night I heard
A rustlin’ in the bush
A black bear sat down beside us
To warm her paws and tush
Got no ammunition
Got no rifle too
Got no worries to weigh me down
No more metham-Edmonton blues
Don’t know where we're going
But I sure know where we 'aint
Living in the shitty of scampions
With those metham-Edmonton blues
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6. |
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Once upon a time on a night like this
We followed Dave around and we did “stupid shit”
It was Dave and the Anarchy Car and all the rest.
This is THE BALLOD Of tHE StoopiD ShiT
Anonymous Andritz asks we politely cease and decist
Benches of wood
Cafeteria, Ms. Holland
Sticking up again for the same glam nerd songs
Silver grains in the dark, the night burns on
Vis-comm, Eh Channel
Routers, no females
Photoshop, Gmail
Crushing on the nerd tail,
If only my songs weren’t so dumb.
This is THE BALLOD Of tHE StoopiD SHiT
McNally, (W.P.) Wagner
Salty fat sophmore
Sean Cowan, light bar
Hazeldean, no car
"General $crap" was the writing on the wall
I don’t wanna go home to a darkroom with no film
100 burnt discs, tune guitars
Pizza box, God punk
Fire code, Flirt stock
Larsen crew, Bonnie Hogg
ADD kid selling grams of dill
Sebastien Guy Savard, James Johnson, Mark Czajkowski, “Cracker Dave”
This is "THE BALLOD Of tHE StoopiD SHiT"
We didn’t smoke dill or do illegal substances, but
We mighta frac’d your mom, she was begging for it
Your dad's truck size it’s over-rated a little bit
Didn’t take long for the ice to break
When the bully went down it was much too great.
That vigilante's insane, he’s got some paint.
Dave was Jack Chick and sled flat black
Sliding all around, Nadine in the back
Those nights are frozen sun for his dark days.
That was way too smart for "THE BALLOD Of tHE StoopiD SHiT"
I’ll probably have to dumb it down for you a little bit.
Nathan got ripped on a B-comm ‘puter
Batmobile with root kit users
To administrate with their lead pipes
I think it was a Thursday
Chad was so thirsty,
Batmobile, CB
Max capacity
Driving up and down 118th (Alberta) Ave.
This is "THE BALLOD Of tHE StoopiD SHiT"
I can say dumb things that are inappropriate
It’s not that I’m a jerk, I’m just incompetent
Those are pretty big big words for "THE BALLOD Of tHE StoopiD SHiT"
YEA! X 3
Shauna’s on late night
Fried chicken grease fight
Cori (Harsh/Wilson) drum, stage fright
A.T.S. land flight
Flagging YEG, minimum wage
Scratch and sniff med school
Alcohol / dill rules
Unmarked van tool
Gordon and the Mac crew
Hippie anarcho nerd punk rock stew
This is "THE BALLOD Of tHE StoopiD SHiT"
We cut it in half for extra value.
Star, car, AWOL, barb wire fence
Dave lead solder, e-guitar jacks
Testing out the fix, ADAT hit record
Footnotes, Disappear, Wavelab 3.0
Analog/digital, digital/analog,
Analog/digital conversions make Dave mad…
This is "THE BALLOD Of tHE StoopiD ShiT"
Bitsum catching FLAC just a little bit.
Party got shut down
Photographs underground
Victor (Leanne Porter) is bouncing on
Top of Dave’s new sound
Her perk sure could work
A turk like that.
Roy’s parent’s basement, cracker-ass maggots
Writing off bumpers, clutching our pay cheques
Tech support, hot dogs and local beer.
The All Purpose Voltage Heroes, thong, spaghetti straps and dill.
The $240 Pawn Bass
(Base)-ment sound proof paste
Garage sale bass amp
In law, oil pump
Torquing Jamie’s nuts to 50 foot pounds
Star shows up with the knob right off
Dave fucked up, Jamie’s wheel got tossed
So much for that KOCH free brake job.
This is "THE BALLOD Of tHE StoopiD SHiT"
We don’t respect your beliefs or new immigrants
Even though our great-grandparents were immigrants
We don’t rhyme words we’re whip crackin’ intolerant pricks.
With Scott on hiatus, Dave was their bassist.
No stage presence, his jokes a bit racist
Blue tweed collar shirt and no-one knows.
The Fox and the Hound, had a stage in the round (they didn't)
Ashley (Munro Butler), Erin, Shauna (Turner), Kristin (Eek), Nikki (Fast), Talia Davies
We had 6 awesome fans!
The song is way too long
To be a real Chick Maggot song
Roy’s gonna flip his lid
But I’ll give him writing credit
Not that he’ll want it
I’ll force it down his throat
Like a government yoke… or…
*COUGH* Awwwww frac
Better split the song right here...
(song track changes)
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7. |
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(song track changes)
...It's way too frac'ing long.
This is "THE BALLOD Of tHE StoopiD ShiT" (Part 2)
10 verses now, (Roy) Sassano’s gonna be pissed
His sacred cow, I just castrated it
Sounds like Left Nutt, they were Edmonton pricks.
Freezing their ass at the hockey practice,
Ashley (Munro Butler) and Erin, still Roy’s biggest fans.
Drown in the yard, with our hopes and dreams
Dave came home in the middle of the night
With his semi out back, so loud and so bright
Roy is driving it, white knuckles tight
I don’t wanna go home to a lake that doesn’t swim
Dating Leanne, with a Winnipeg pay stub
Lessons learned hard, ‘cause a storm was brewing up
Fired from semi home, 12 car rack
Aborted Dave’s kid before, behind his back
Jackie and Laura, Nikki, Nate, 2 doors
George and Bud and Kinicker sharing the floor
This is THE BALLOD Of tHE StoopiD SHiT
Dave’s got some issues with wheel commitment
If you don’t like it, you can’t suck his dick
That’s a metaphorical 3rd person double negative
Drive thru mickey pills
Straightedge emo thrills
Letter he’ll never send
Strat (thcona county cell) tower, pillows
Super-dork puked on himself and went home.
ICQ, Indecline Dot net, Roy, FoxECatFluff,
Sean the Bastard, Backtrax, Fart
Filling up an online shooping cart
Then Spinternet, Vanity, they moved away
Edmonton Metal Scene
….band photography
Myspace Tom, my “Top 8” best cream.
Rollin’, Poundin’ Records, up, my nerdcore hip- hop heart
Casanova radio, play-toy farm,
Import character, attitude storm
‘55 light kit, vacuum tube flash
Jonathan Fluvog, wa(n?)kin’ off set
Plethorah pop flat, losing a bet
I love you when I say “the odds in debt”
BRIDGE REPEAT
The song is way too long
To be a real Chick Maggot song
Roy’s gonna flip his lid
But I’ll give him writing credit
Not that he wants it
I’ll force it down his throat
Like a government yoke
& a pipeline blowing smoke
This was THE BALLOD Of tHE StoopiD SHiT
I don’t really care, but I hope you like it, Roy
No more mask for me, I’m a capitalist prick
Go download my free discography, or I’ll cut off your dicks
Or genitally mutilate you like an African
Just like that witch Lorenna Bobbit did. (what a whore!)
Jamie Star: Dave!!!! We’re Done!!!
Scott Dave: What??? Shutup! OH.
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8. |
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"What's goin' on?"
We got a drunk Ralph Klein
In his big oil stilettos
Flipping off the masses, now
He’s running down the homeless
Checking out the view
From his Swan Hills barrel
Couldn’t find magnesium
So pull another handle (VLT)
Busting on the nurses
As they strike, another dime
I really hope that mental picture
Fades with time.
She can’t get no environmental action
It's just another fact of life
For me, really.
Materfamilias, she’s Alberta's natural sexy beauty
She’s a casual nudist and performs lots of duties.
Her and what army, she was paralyzed with fright
Got a thirsty pimp boyfriend, always itching for a fight
Sitting round the table with his allies, doing shards (cheap energy)
Stacking empty cases of beer and credit cards
(Chorus)
Swing your corner and bow to your partner
(Big oil stilettos)
Swing your corner and bow to your partner
(Running down the homeless)
Cut the diamond
(Swan Hills Barrel)
Cut the diamond
(Pull another handle)
AC/Ducey
AC/2Y
Bullying the neighbors
IMF bylaws in his hand
He’s pissing in the cistern
Defecating on the land
When it’s gets too messy
Well, we’ll annex another yard
He’s eating all the donuts and
He’s getting kinda hard
Watching her bend over
Scrubbing oil off his car
It’s the newest V8 model
With a tar sand star.
(Chorus)
No he Di'int!
She’s sweating in the sun
Dragging his new extension chord
She bought it for her boyfriend
She’s still a little sore
It’s a 4# (ought) cable
That’s a really big kind
For a Fort Mac U.S.B. charger
That we use, sometimes.
“I got you pine beetle shoes,
Baby put em on your feet”...
“And don’t forget the Torie circle jerk,
Hey, that’s tonight."
“If my friends want to have you,
Don’t you dare say no”
It’s a controversial topic
watching engine gaskets blow
It’s really kinda sexy
In that environmental way
Intended for a metaphor
For those who like to say,
The willful ignorance
You were taught up till this day;
If you haven’t got it yet
Get a Canadian teacher, "Eh."
(Chorus)
She can’t get no environmental action
The environment
The Tories’ same sexy mistress
Heating US kitchens up
For credits or emissions
Sitting by the campfire
She’s waiting there with a beer
It just might be the poison
That the drugs don’t fear.
He says, “A little liposuction
And a boob job just might
Make you worth your weight in silicone
that is, if we go tonight”
“Sure thing baby, but there’s really no rush”
“So have another beer and I’ll pack the pennies up”
Just to make sure, she brought his credit card boxes
She couldn’t fit 'em in the car, so she just had to compact them
As he got into the drivers seat, she said, “Honey, I’ll drive”
“Besides”, you’ve probably got a lot on your mind”
(Chorus)
The car still fairly empty, he said ”Are you sure we have enough?
“They might want gold, but I kinda used it up.
“Did you bring the legal tender that we cut out from the muck?"
She said, “Don’t worry dear, we won’t get stuck.”
From the glove box, he swore “this is my last cigarette!“
The tailing pond approaching, she said “A little further yet.”
He took one drag, then his smoke hit the floor
She could smell burning plastic, but he smiled no more
She Stopped atop the bridge, seatbelt
kicked his drunk ass out the door
She brought his 0.45 magnum, cause she needed to be sure
With each shot blaring, he moved a little farther still
After the big splash, she drove the car back up the hill.
(Chorus)
She flicked his smoke out the window, starting Satan’s inferno
“That’ll warn the ducks,” she thought, turned the keys off, and got out
She watched the car in neutral, suck itself into the burning pond
Tapped her heels three times, and disappeared, just like Dorthy of Oz.
You know those “no firewood” signs on the highway by the border?
Those are the pine beetle shoes she was wearing that October.
So remember this, folks, Mother Nature, she’s packing
Simply good karma that our countries are lacking
Treat her like your mother, and I mean with respect
Ask her what she needs, to stay in good health.
Take only what you need, leave the rest standing
We shouldn’t need to hide behind the tar sands pretending.
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9. |
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Cupcakes make me feel so good
slide over a tongue’n the hood
Cupcakes we misunderstood
Driving down Whyte face-ave tonight
had to slide in for another sight
staying late, apron on tight
Spreading out our favorite type
Icing snatcharoos shining bright
Sexy cups, now everyone can have a bite
Cupcakes make us feel so good
Depends on how you look at the sound
Cupcakes we misunderstand
No bun in the oven, Drooling on the bed
California dreaming, but skating instead
Godess, Canada, Premium Pie
Creepy jokers like me, flirting with the cashier
Married to her favorite stash there
But that won’t stop us from reaching through this glass
Cupcakes make us feel so good
slide over tongue’n the hood
Cupcakes we misunderstood
We like ours right, worth working for
hot, slow and right to order
Bra strap falling over her shoulder
Can she begin to bear that massive load
Daytime staff, now she’s getting bright eyed
Taking the time just to get it right
Temperature’s rising up for a, another round
When it comes down to sweet pleasures and sounds
Don’t settle for bigger low quality brands
No cookie cutter mainstream, cardboard here
Cupcakes make me feel so good
Once upon a time, my only friend
Depends on how you look at the sound
Cupcakes we misunderstand
These quality goods, way out of my league
Religion over-rated, just like our greed
Some memories they aren’t worth fighting for
****** ******** still capable of murder,
365 Challenge, Jr. High order,
Pictures of all the dorks I liked to call my friends
Back when kids used a pen to be heard
Notes to one another, drawing out the awkward
Cramming our thoughts onto looseleaf paper,
Confessions build up, no backspace eraser,
Couriers are crowds walking through the halls
Folded up neatly with a little bit more thought to it all
Elastic bands are wrapped around
The memories (I’ve got/of god) in a trunk in the ground
Not collecting dust though, I don’t wanna throw them away
Means to an end to pass the time we say
Awkard teen, politics, and stranger things to pray
Save them up for another rainy day
Trying to fit in society’s man-box
Failing with honours, can’t seem to figure out
Brain blocking out memories, good with the bad
Squirrels are getting into the trunk
Eating up the notes, fading photos & punk
Build another shed to lock them out
I need to remember
What it’s all about
Cupcakes makes us feel so good
Slide over my tongue’n the hood
Depends on how you look at the sound
Cupcakes there’s no truer friend
Cupcakes we misunderstand
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SUPER DAVE FIRSTBORN (TEST CAR) Edmonton, Alberta
db is a "delightfully weird" fine artist, an advocate for OPM and a recovering narcissist. SOMETIMES HIS CAPS LOCK KEY GETS
POKED AND HE STARTS YELLING.
Currently on academic probation, he looks forward to his future career as a student, hoping to obtain a triple doctorate in Underwater Economics, Musicological Fractals and Poli-Techs, however he’s not holding his breath.
... more
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